We suggest you choose a supportive ally, consider your partner, and discuss the subject in person.
Supportive allies do the following:
- A good ally affirms you. This person genuinely supports you but is not a pushover or a control freak.
- A good ally asks hard questions. You have mutual respect for this person, and they are comfortable with open communication about your specific triggers and goals.
- A good ally helps you achieve your goals. This person applauds your victories and encourages your progress, no matter how big or small.
Consider Your Partner
- Partners or spouses can be a natural fit for allyship.
- However, your partner may be unable to give you constructive support because your struggle may affect them, their self-image, or your relationship.
- Your spouse should carefully decide whether or not they want to be your ally.
Ask Them In-Person
- Share your story. Tell your potential ally what you’re struggling with and what steps you’re taking to overcome pornography in your life.
- Explain your expectations. It would help if you shared what accountability means to you, what Covenant Eyes does, and how an ally can help you reach your goals.
- Ask them to be your ally. You should ask the person to be your ally but don’t pressure them or demand an immediate answer. Invite them to ask you questions, and give them a few days to think it over. If the person agrees, you can add an ally to your account.